The point when you realize something.

I just realized my size.

When you’re living everyday in your own body, sometimes you don’t realize slow changes that may happen to you over a long length of time.

I used to see myself as the same person that I was in high school – same size and same look.

Then someone younger calls you ma’am. Or the cashier doesn’t ask for I.D. anymore when buying a bottle of wine.  Or you see a picture of yourself from 15 years ago…

Then it hits you: I’m not the same person.  I’ve had more life experiences…yes…but, I don’t look the same.  I’m getting older.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the alternative is being dead and I very much like being alive – especially since I have a baby boy that I want to see grow up and have a family of his own.  I thank God for everyday that I have.

But, I am getting older no matter how I try to ignore it.

Now, I don’t have any wrinkles or anything like that (thanks to good genes and more melanin), but I have gained a considerable amount of weight.

I can take both hands and grab a glob full of my own stomach.  There are a few (not many) restaurants where I can’t sit in their booths anymore.  And I just barely fit into plane seats.  There’s a narrow pathway that I try to walk through that appears to be large enough for me to fit, but i barely squeeze through while holding my breath and sucking in my stomach.

I realized that I am bigger than what I picture myself to be.

I pray that it works this time…

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7 thoughts on “The point when you realize something.

  1. I know the feeling! I was dancing with some people at a bar one night, thinking i fit in with the 20somethings. Walked to the bathroom and a girl followed me in. She stopped me and said ” i just wanna say, your absolutely beautiful”. No, she wasnt hitting on me lol. I was sooo proud! Then… she just had to keep talking! She proceeded to then say ” i hope I look that good when i get to be your age”. Wow! Lol! Killed me! I was 35 at the time lol.

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